Not painful, not painful, not pain … (Picture: KatarzynaBialasiewicz)

Thanks to modern science and technology, women now have an abundance of new beauty treatments they can subscribe to in order to plump, firm, smooth, tone and nourish tired skin, quicker than you can say 'make me look like Kate Moss circa 1996'.

And while I fully support a 20-minute jab session during your lunch break over a lifetime of staying out of the sun and cutting out booze during the week for the rest of you life, there are certain things you'll only know once you've caught the Botox bug – and they ain't all pretty.

You turn into a disco ball

Botox doesn't make you look younger, it just makes you look smooth and shiny.

Fine if you're standing, stationary in a fridge, not so fine if you're anywhere that might cause even minimal perspiration.

Matt that forehead down as much as you like in the loos, I'll guarantee that by 10pm, your boyfriend will be able to see his own reflection between your eyebrows. Talking of which…

You look like a character from a comic book

The Joker, Dr Spock, Dr Evil, Mickey Rourke?

Take your pick – you'll be able to launch a new career as a look-a-like to any of them once you're a Botox regular.

Eyebrows so arched they make a scouse brow look like it's never seen a pair of tweezers.

Kylie has admitted to using Botox in the past (Picture: Getty)

Happy? Sad? Angry?

Botox makes you look less 'young' and more totally unable to express any sort of emotion whatsoever.

Meaning that, instead of expressing your feelings via the medium of traditional facial expressions, you will now find yourself spending much of your time having to verbally descibe your excitement, displeasure, disappointment, fury, sorrow and happiness.

You'll have double the amount of wrinkles everywhere else

Sadly, Botox doesn't so much get rid of wrinkles, as move them somewhere else.

So, while your forehead will now remain ever smooth and botox-shiny, your under-eye bags will look like you have been chain smoking Bensons for the last 18 years and haven't slept in a month.

The forehead of a 16-year-old and eyes of an OAP – not weird at all.

It's not cheap

Five hundred quid every six months could buy you a yearly holiday to an all-inclusive hotel in Mallorca, a couple of Glastonbury tickets, a personal trainer every week for three months, a monthly massage or 2000 pints of lager in the Philippines.

It hurts

And anyone who says it doesn't is either lying or was pissed.

10 injections half an inch from your eyeball.

Do the maths.

Side effects

Droopy eyelids, headaches, blurred vision, inflammation, swelling, redness, itching, asthma, red welts, dizziness and fainting.

What's not to love?

Sharon Osbourne has never been shy about her cosmetic surgery procedures (Picture: Getty)

You'll look older

Botox won't make you look like your in the sweet throes of youth, it will make you look like a person your age who's had Botox – or, worst case scenario, somebody ten years older than your age who's had Botox.

If Kylie, Nicole and Sharon haven't managed to fool us, what hope do you think you've got?

You'll look crinklier than ever when it wears off

Whether it's that you've become used to your wrinkle-free face or that everything literally drops back to normal post wear-off, trust me, you'll notice it – and so the vicious cycle begins.

Confidence is sexier than botulinum toxin

Nothing screams 'make me young, make me young, I need to be loved!' like a face frozen in time every six months.

You want to be sexy and young?

Relax and have fun, they're not called laughter lines for nothing.